Why Toddlers Melt Down

Toddler meltdowns aren’t manipulation. They’re neurology.

In the early years, a child’s brain is still under construction. The emotional centre of the brain, particularly the amygdala, is highly active. This is the part responsible for detecting threat and triggering big emotional responses.

But the prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for impulse control, reasoning, and emotional regulation, is still immature and will not fully develop until the mid-20s (Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University; Casey et al., 2008).

That means when a toddler feels frustration, disappointment, hunger, tiredness, or overstimulation, their brain can flood quickly into fight-or-flight. They do not yet have the neurological wiring to calm themselves down independently.

Meltdowns are not a sign of bad parenting.

They are a sign of an overwhelmed nervous system.

Research in developmental neuroscience shows that co-regulation, where a calm adult helps soothe a child, is how self-regulation skills are built over time (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000; National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2004).

So when your child melts down, it isn’t because they’re “naughty.”

It’s because their brain is asking for support.

References

This article is grounded in developmental neuroscience and attachment research. References available below.

• Center on the Developing Child. (n.d.). Brain architecture and early childhood development.

• B. J. Casey et al. (2008). The adolescent brain. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences.

• National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2004). Young children develop in an environment of relationships.

• Jack Shonkoff & Deborah Phillips. (2000). From Neurons to Neighborhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development.